Relationship Mistakes: Am I A Trainwreck?

Modern Dating: Is the dating scene becoming too complicated?

Angela Woods’s first words to me were, “Why can’t I keep a man? I’m twenty-six and still not married? Where is my husband?” She was sure that Mike was the one; he introduced her to his family and they even took long vacations together, but after a year, he became distant. She thought they were just going through a rough patch and hoped it was just a phase. Then one day, Mike rang her at work and told her they needed to talk. He sat across from her and said huffily that it wasn’t her but him, and that he wasn’t ready for a long term relationship.

It turned out that all of her boyfriends had, at some point in time, became disinterested in the relationship. One guy dated her for a week. He introduced her to his friends and his colleagues. Like usual he said the right things and on the seventh day, she slept with him. That was the last time she saw him. Another guy dated her for two days before she gave up the goodies. She wasn’t really sure why she rushed into bed with him. Especially since at first glance, she found him physically unattractive and quite lanky for her taste. Not listening to that nagging feeling in her gut, she had gone back to his place, and ended up drinking vodka straight from the bottle while tugging out of her clothes. The next morning, suffering from a hangover, she convinced herself that with time he would grow on her. In her mind, she thought anything was better than being alone.

Angela’s friends told her that it was time to take a break from dating, that feeling like she Needed to date someone meant that she was only looking for someone to fill a role, not someone to fall for. Angela hesitated and argued, “I’m tired of waiting. I’m tired of trying to figure these men out. I purposely went for a a guy that I wasn’t into just to get dumped. How could I know that he would be like the other men I’ve dated?

After hearing this I started to think: did all men have commitment problems and if so were they all suffering from attention-span deficit disorder?

I read a relationship book that said, waiting for the right man is about finding out who you are in the midst of your singleness. Knowing you are whole, you are worth it, and you are Beautiful is the key to attracting the right partner. When it comes to relationships one can fall into familiar patterns even when they cause us stress and unhappiness. The book said that repeating bad patterns even when it does not get us what we want is counter-productive. Quite often we do not recognize what the patterns are until its too late.

When it comes to intimacy, one might say a woman should have sex when she and her partner are ready for it, and that he can just as easily dump you on the first date as he can on the fifth or sixth date. However, it can be said, that when sex happens too soon most men tend to lose interest and it’s hard for them to see women the same way afterward. I think a healthy relationship starts with communication, not lust. Take time to focus on the ways that you’re similar, have an active life, and find your inner peace.

I think a healthy relationship starts with communication, not lust. Take time to focus on the ways that you’re similar, be confident, have an active life, and find your inner peace.

Inner peace is all about evaluating ones energy and checking in with yourself on a daily basis. Don’t let your thoughts  run away with you; challenge them. To do this, find a place quiet to think about how you’re feeling in the moment. Are you tired or energetic? If you have low energy think about what might be draining it. Is it a relationship, job, or lack of fulfillment? Then figure out what you should do to reduce the problem or cut it out completely. Below, more pearls of wisdom:

  1. Reflect on the past. Look at the beginning of your week. What problems did you encounter and how did you resolve them.
  2. Think about what you can do for others. Mediate on areas that you need to improve on. Ask yourself, how can I improve in a way that can help others?
  3. Focus on Personal fulfillment. Think about your main goals. What can you do today to get one step closer to achieving them? Take the time to assess your life and ask yourself if you feel fulfilled, if you don’t, try to figure out what you can do to be fulfilled and enjoy your life more.

As you get to know yourself, embrace this season you’re in as a chance to grow spiritually and mentally. As you continue to work on yourself the right man will eventually walk into your life. Last thing, try not to rush into things. But, if the man you want is clearly interested in you and isn’t making any real moves do initiate.

Drop me a note in the comment section below and share your thoughts.

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