Instagram is now the new Tinder

The Narcissist Next Door

~>When a man slides into your DM it’s obvious that he’s into you but should you decide to start seeing him?

You don’t need me to tell you how popular Instagram is right now. Some people think it offers a more effective way to get dates than Tinder because let’s face it an Instagram account can give a much better idea of the person upfront than a dating profile. However, it can open the door to unwelcome input by strangers asking, “When are you coming to Miami?” “Are you into threesomes?” “Is this really your account?”

“Your occasional dick pics”

 And then, there’s the occasional dick pictures sent without asking for one—also known as an unsolicited “dick pic.” At this point, if you don’t have a private collection, congratulations: You are living a fairytale by today’s raunchy standards.

However, for most women trying to navigate their way through the gram seems more like a right of passage. A 2018 YouGov poll found that four in 10 women aged between 18 and 36 have been sent unsolicited pictures of a penis. This kind of harassment has become a routine for many women. At this point, I don’t even bother checking my DM’s anymore; it’s littered with weekly dick photos from men I have never met—and likely never will. Which has me wondering: Why would someone send their genitalia to a strange woman? Could this be considered a compliment? But an even bigger question, do they think it’s sexy, a picture that is only arousing to them? At this point, I don’t think these men even care whether or not I respond? It turns out—most of them just want to show it off.

“A bad vibe”

Instagram is known for being superficial and fake. So what happens if you put a certain kind of picture up and you gain a lot of likes? As we know, the body plays a crucial role in comments and likes. As someone who takes pictures for the gram, I know first hand that women spend an extraordinary amount of time and effort choosing the perfect shot to upload. The motivation for sharing these photos is to promote your personal brand and get noticed for it in the form of likes and comments. But what happens when virtual likes start to affect your self-esteem or attract the wrong person?

“I have, and still do, delete pictures if I don’t think they’re sexy enough.” Journalist Victoria admits. “When you’re competing with so many influencers and trying to build your brand, every picture counts. I’ll delete any picture that doesn’t make it to 100. I guess it felt a bit tragic,” she explains.

Amanda Williams, an IT Consultant, went out on a date with a guy she met on Insta. It started with him liking all her sexy pictures, which then moved into a DM and then an RTD. It just so happens that during the date, she caught him scrolling through some sexy influencers’ stories, and it turns out he had a fetish for full-figured women. In all fairness, she wasn’t into him. At the time, she remembered specifically scrolling through her own photos and was more interested in how many people commented on her post then on the man sitting across from her. She thought later that her pictures might be attracting the wrong kinds of men and maybe she valued her virtual likes over physical attraction. I couldn’t help but wonder, was Instagram leading people down a dark rabbit hole of lies and creating low self-esteem addicts thirsty for attention?

I thought of a few female friends of mine who had confessed to me about putting up a couple of raunchy photos to see how many likes they would get. “If they can’t see it, then you shouldn’t want it,” was the saying. It baffled me that this was the new norm. A trend that was spreading fast amongst influencers and wannabe Insta famous girls. I decided to tell them, I think it’s more attractive when you leave something to the imagination.

“Sex sells”

Personally, I like to show a little skin, but you should realize that if you’re serious about getting into a committed relationship, you’re probably going to have to compromise. “What’s mine is yours, and what is yours is mine,” not the whole worlds.  So maybe easing up on the “open-leg stance” for bikini shots, and what I like to call the “no-clothes, half blanket covering my body/just woke up” pics that just scream “SEX”. These kinds of images only send out one signal to men: She’s DTF.

“Social media rewards something that women have been primed to value: looking good. With a simple tap, women can offer herself up to the ‘gram in exchange for attention, validation and valuable social currency,”

~Explains Author Rachel Simmons.

“It’s for sport”

So you met at a club, you danced together, he likes you, was excited when he asked to see you again but was suss when he asked for your Instagram instead of your number. The next day he DM’d you after liking all your sexy pictures which made you feel good, then later asked to get together. He seemed like a decent guy, led a lavish lifestyle and had a cool group of friends. You gaged all of this from his page, and so you said yes. You had a good time together, sadly you even let him smash on the first date but was astonished that he still didn’t ask for your number. Three days later he went ghost.

I think in situations like this you have to ask yourself: Was he really into me or just thought I was an easy f***? And if the latter, then be ready for the savage like mentality that comes with the game. How you represent yourself is how a man will perceive you, and these days with the constant sexy availability that women put out, I hate to say it, puts you in an unfortunate position.

So I have to wonder: would I personally use Instagram as a dating site? The answer. No. The truth is I’m skeptical. A few men have DM’d me in the past. They seemed like nice guys until I check out who they’re following; it’s usually a massive amount of ass/boobs/sex Instagram pages. It’s a complete turnoff—I would never take any of these guys seriously.

The big insight: I’m not saying it’s impossible to find a life partner on the gram; it’s just really hard. And there are things that guys/women do that are considered total red flags. So make sure to do your homework before you get involved with someone that might be stalking your page to exchange nude pictures, hookups, or just blatantly there for harassment.

Do you think love on Insta is possible?

3 thoughts on “Instagram is now the new Tinder

  1. I totally agree with you in today’s society most people are gravitating towards Instagram in order to get noticed to get the most views or likes. Everything seems to go nowadays. If you are not an Instagram model or have a ton of views or followers you may be labeled as irrelevant. Nonetheless i do think its possible to get a fling or a few dates on Instagram. But the question is will it be long lasting and my opinion is no. Many people are putting on a fake persona just to be liked. Most guys see a hot chick on Instagram and want to hit it and quit it, nothing more. As for love on the Gram it is possible like you said but highly unlikely to find yourself walking down the isle or in a fairly tale story from Instagram.


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