Why people from your past are reappearing during lock down?

​​​~>Plus, what you should do if you’re considering it.


In the last few weeks, I’ve received a few messages from long lost friends that want to come back into my life. It seems that during the pandemic people are re-emerging from my past and for some people, this has become a big thing. Many are wondering if they should welcome the person back or leave them in the past. So one must ask themselves; is this simply a case of boredom or is there something about this time that makes people reflect and want to rebuild bridges. Here’s what the experts have to say.

The Cigna study emphasizes that balancing sleep, time with family, physical activity and work/life balance are integral to preventing loneliness and boredom. But amid this pandemic over 40 Americans are out of work, gyms and exercise studios are closed, sleep is suffering as a result of stress, anxiety and arguably there is too much are too little time with family as a consequence of the quarantine. Some people may isolate while others reach out.

Cigna study is right, y’all. It’s not that deep. If you haven’t heard from someone in a while it’s obvious that they’re looking to fill a void and feeling vulnerable may be the simple reason behind why someone is reaching out. 

“This guy that I went on two dates with last year popped up amid lockdown at ten o’clock at night, a time that raised some alarm bells for me. His first message was just, ‘Hey you, how are you doing?’ and even though it takes me days to respond to any of his calls, he won’t go away and keeps trying to make conversation. Like the other day, he texted me and wanted some advice about some girl he broke it off with. I noticed that the conversation was centered around him. I think he’s just really lonely.”

– Megan.K,  23.


“Actual Friends”

I’ve been thinking about friendships/relationships over the past few weeks. I recently injured my knee while running and had to wear a cast for a few weeks. It certainly left me in a vulnerable position but equally, it showed  me who my true friends were big time. 

And then something happened. I thought about all my FB pals, some I had known for years, and even gone out to galleries, dinners, and birthday parties with, but I wouldn’t describe these people as friends. Yet in the FB era, the boundaries on friendship have expanded dramatically. Someone called me to say, “they’re pregnant,” but didn’t bother to ask me how I was doing. Judging from my recent friend requests, “my friends” apparently include a person I barely spoke to in college, a high school classmate that stopped responding to everyone’s calls, a few colleague’s, a married ex-boyfriend, and some guy who sat at a table near me at Star Bucks once.


​​​“Committing the faux pas”

​​​     

If you want to avoid making the mistake of describing a colleague or acquaintance as a friend, here are some things to remember: It’s an indisputable fact that friendships and relationships, even workplace colleagues nearly always come to an end—the one constant in life is change. That doesn’t mean we ever get used to it or fully embrace it, though.


“Sometimes people leave”

Many times people have issues in their lives and they end up leaving to fix things so they don’t hurt you. So in that case, life is all about how you frame it. For example, that terrible relationship wasn’t actually that horrible, it taught you patience and helped you grow. It taught you commitment and the importance of knowing your boundaries. For me, when relationships dissolve, it isn’t always a devastating loss; it holds a mirror up and reflects back to me what I may not want to see in myself.

My grandmother Rose would always say this quote. Nadia, she said to me, “people come into your path for a reason, a season or a lifetime.” When you know which one it is, you will know what to do with that person. Here is something to consider:

1. When someone comes into your life for a REASON it is usually to get us to our next destination. We might have lost our way in life and need a new perspective on things. They show up to bring us guidance and set us back to our rightful path.

2. Most people come into your life for a SEASON. They bring you an experience of laughter and joy. They share similar ideas and you find yourself trusting them in ways you have never done. They usually appear in your life to encourage you. They can be in your life for days, months, years, and then they’re gone.

3. LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons.

This person comes into your life to stay. They inspire, motivate, teach, and hold you accountable for your actions. Their love is unconditional, and your job is to put their teachings to use. These are the people that are usually in your life until they die. So respect this person and use what you’ve learned towards reaching your goals.

So how should you respond if someone you haven’t spoken to in a long time reaches out?

I think you need to ask yourself three questions: Do you want to talk to them? Has this happened before? And does it feel genuine?”

If you don’t feel like talking, and you’ve put them in the acquaintance zone, remember that you have as much power as they do over whether the conversation continues. Personally, I don’t even have to say anything. I often use the ‘Silent & delayed’ treatment and soon they just get the idea implicitly.

But if you do reply, just be polite, hear them out and give your ego a break. They might be calling to rehash a friendship. In that case, the ball is in your court whether you want to talk or politely explain to them that: you don’t have time, or you have some other commitments. More often than not, the reason doesn’t really matter. When they get the message that you don’t want to talk, they’ll stop. 

If it does feel genuine, and you’re willing to continue contact, then take it slowly. Remember you will need to remove any defensiveness you’re harboring and hear them out. 

But if you’re still unsure about whether to respond or not, then wait a few weeks and see if you feel like reconnecting. That way your emotions won’t easily cloud your judgment.


4 thoughts on “Why people from your past are reappearing during lock down?

  1. Some long time relationships ,after year’s of no contact,may need closure, I recently engaged with my husband after a separation maybe recapture lost time,if there was ill will, forgiveness without offence is good, it determines our future. God is in control I say,he works his will through relationship s🙏one has to be willing , unto God,to be used by him,and not lean on our own understanding.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’ve had an old boyfriend reach out to me via fb a few times. There’s been some innocent flirting on his part but nothing disrespectful. We always chat for a few minutes about the past and recent events and then end it nicely enough. I honestly do think its boredom and it’s okay to engage if you are comfortable.
    For other acquaintances I usually take the same approach in waiting a few days before I respond or ignoring them altogether depending on how I feel about them. Some of them just want to say hi and others just want to be nosy because they are bored.

    Liked by 1 person

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